I've tried to keep busy this week. Coffee with a friend I met in kindergarten. Dedicating at least an hour every day I'm off to creating art, the first protected time I've carved out for that in a long while. Meeting as part of a group that is fund-raising for an institution that means a lot to our family. Then, today, lunch with a friend who retired and witnessed her life change.
Within a few years of retirement this friend became a caregiver to her partner and eventually buried him; navigated the loss of a professional identity that had been her foundational sense of self; deepened her involvement with a charitable group that had resonated with her; and faced her own health issues.
We get together for lunch every month or two (one of the greatest pleasures of working part-time is discovering that there is a world of older retirees and intergenerational friendships that can strengthen your sense of connection to your community).
She asked if our eldest, who will be leaving for college this autumn, was realizing how radically her life was about to change. I considered her question.
Our kid definitely realizes that her time together with high school friends is no longer something she can take for granted - she has spent a majority of the summer staying up late on the phone, rising early to hit the gym, or going to hang outs with her friends. She commented that the weeks leading up to graduation were full of tears and sentimental comments akin to, "This may be the last time we are all together in the same room!"
What she does not realize is that (if we are lucky, and she flies) 95% of her time under our roof has already been accounted for.
This is the piece she seems to be overlooking, at least in part, but we are not. My wife currently returned from a girl's getaway, where the two of them went to a modest hotel up the coast and spent time relaxing. Importantly, it was time where their relationship deliberately excluded project management discussions, and they could focus on just enjoying thrift shopping and a walk on the beach together.
Taking a note from my finances, my approach is to diversify away as much risk as I can. I am seeking out new sources of engagement and companionship - deepening friendships, inrcreasing the regularity of in-person game nights, trying new creative outlets, exploring more common interests with my wife and creating more time to protect for us to spend together, searching the community calendar for events to participate in.
I am going to miss her terribly when she leaves, but mitigating the sense of loss ahead of time will hopefully make it a happy event. She has an independent streak and has been ready to leave the nest for a while. I think she'll thrive in college, and I can't wait to see how she navigates the freedom from beyond our gaze.