Compass values ensure decision-making is aligned with your authentic motives, mores and plans for growth.
The book I am reading suggests that you can hone in on compass values by reviewing how you view life, work and your current narrative.
I am not a natural at reading self-help books, and it takes repeated effort to set aside time to follow through on exercises from a book, but I am resolved to power through this one. Here are the themes that recur at this time in my story:
Autonomy: I have finally arrived at a stage where I do not feel obligated to trade time for money (although old habits die hard), yet to leave paid work would mean I'd need to allocate my newly liberated time elsewhere. I have significant control over my time, I seem to want more, but still haven't figured out what to do with it. I am looking to get involved in ways that make the world less broken. The double-edged sword of this desire: I want to be a part of something bigger, but I want it on my terms (realistically, I see compromise in my future).
Creativity and Curiosity: I want more art and music in my life, and I want to explore not only how to incorporate more of it into my daily routine, but also how to create or channel more of it into my practice of living. During intermittent insomnia hours (a legacy of my time as an emergency physician), I recently looked up an acquaintance I'd last seen in high school, part of the where are they now I undertake on occasion. I was curious because he'd known since he was 17 that he wanted to pursue a life in art. It turned out he had done exactly that, and was a professional artist working in downtown LA. I emailed him an offer to bring burritos in exchange for a chance to hear about his trajectory and get a tour of his studio and latest works. We spent over two hours talking, and it was wonderful. I want more of this type of interaction in my life.
Shared growth: The kids are leaving, but my wife will remain. I'm still certain I married out of my league, but over time our interests have diverged. She will not be joining me bodyboarding, flying kites, cycling or playing strategy games any time soon. But we do enjoy travel, date night, film and TV series and book club together. I want to continue to increase the size of overlap in our respective Venn diagrams.
Family and Community: I still get a jolt when my wife and I hold hands. My kids know my stories and jokes, and I am proud of the people they have become - they are going to be okay entering the world. I remain close with my mother, siblings and extended family. I hang out with gamer dads, and stay in regular contact with friends in Peru, residency classmates and former faculty. Over the past decade, I have reconnected with friends from kindergarten, elementary school, college, medical school and internship to reconnect. I've organized a reunion for my 6th grade class to honor the remarkable teacher we had (she's become a role model for aging well!). I've tracked down and thanked my high school Biology and AP Biology teachers for sharing a love of the subject that determined my professional trajectory. I hope to reinforce the friendships and mentorships I've accumulated up until now as I enter the next stage of life.
Detachment: This is a slightly misleading category name, as it is not intended in the Buddhist sense. I relish my attachments to people and even places, but want to cut back on my attachments to stuff. Always a carry-on traveler, I reduced from a 40 liter to a 22 liter pack traveling to two different out of state weddings last month, and was pleased at how nimble I felt. Seeing two older female relatives struggle with too much house filled with too much stuff, I want to start reducing my items to a small number that bring me pleasure out of proportion. This will not be easy. Having arrived at a point where a) I no longer fret about money, b) I have more time and fewer pursuits to occupy that time, and c) I discovered shopgoodwill.com, it can be easy to pass the time perusing and bidding on items I don't need because the deals are so good. I need to busy myself enough that I don't turn to buying discount gear to fill the void. One strategy that helped with in store shopping was building in enough time to have a "mourning period," where I can pick up and walk around with the great deals and then eventually replace them on the rack. I need to find an analogous strategy for the online world.
Presence: For a guy who spends a decent amount of time in his head considering versions of what my future may hold (I'm imagining the amazing DIY summer trip I've planned for my family! I could see myself sculpting wire portraiture if only I practiced more often! Where might we slow travel the world once the kids leave the nest?) and relishing that exercise, it can feel quotidian to focus on the details of a math quiz at the dinner table. I need to become better at listening, appreciating and paying attention to what is in front of me.
There you have it. As I make decisions on how to allocate time or commit resources in the future, I will measure the effects of those decisions against this internal yardstick to decide: Will this bring me closer to my values and pull me further from them?