I have remained close with a friend from childhood. We met in a summer university program when we were in high school. I began dating her close friend at the same time my close friend in the program began dating her.
After the program ended, we began a correspondence that lasted decades - on my end, it was the single most influential correspondence of my life, beginning in my adolescence and enduring into my thirties.
When she decided to become a single mother by choice, in my finance nerd way, I showed my love by opening a 529 account for her kid and contributing to it on every birthday.
We have taken divergent paths - she went to college but was always an artist at heart, so her career has been that of an artist, then of an administrator in the arts. She tired of that life and its politics, and ultimately pivoted to education.
We see one another every few years, usually when I swing by to visit family and friends in her area. We inhabit different day to day realities, but that's never been enough to create a gap between us we could not surmount.
Something about this visit seemed more frantic than in the past. Parental and sandwich generation responsibilities seemed to be at a crescendo for her. There were augmented concerns about health.
I replied to a seemingly innocuous, topical question in group conversation, and it elicited a response from her that was strong and adversarial. It was not only that it was out of proportion to the situation - it seemed to implicitly assume the worst possible interpretation.
When I hear something that causes the record to scratch coming from someone I trust, I try to give them the benefit of the doubt. I might ask them to rephrase it, or restate what I think I heard to ask for further clarification. It seemed uncharacteristic of her to assume the worst in me.
That point in the reunion was followed by a quiet moment to reset, after which festivities resumed, although we paired off speaking to different people.
I left deeply troubled by this interaction with one of my oldest friends. I lost sleep over it as I replayed the dialogue, trying to interpret her reaction as charitably as I can.
This is an extremely stressful time.
She has the weight of numerous family members' care on her shoulders.
She is distrustful of the healthcare system in general, and in some way I have come to represent it.
I know our friendship has endured far greater challenges, but it hurt all the same.