This is life in my 50s: I have a half-time job I enjoy. I go on date nights. I see friends and make an effort to stay in touch with older family members. I spend time on fitness, even as the betrayals of the body come at me in a crescendo. I have a decent amount of time on my hands.
This is life in their teens: My high school-age kids have rigorous academic courseloads, an ever-expanding number of extracurriculars, clubs, improv performances, drama productions, conferences, competitions, a weekend job, regular gigs singing and playing with a band, not to mention dances and birthday parties and lower key get-togethers.
I marvel at their discipline and drive. They want to perform, want to jump through the dreadful hoops of college applications in order to have choices about where to seek out their tribe.
They don't want to be the weak link in a family that values education - a legacy of my father's family having left everything behind in Cuba to chase the American dream through education and work ethic.
I can barely recall the ambition that led me to succeed in medical school, residency, fellowship - I've slowed down, cut back and reprioritized. It was the front-loading of my ambition, earning and financial literacy that has enabled this lazier version of me to manifest. I owe that guy, big time.
New, smell the roses me wants to invite the kids to smell the roses alongside me - but they can't. They are in a radically different stage of their lives. They have very little leisure time, and they appropriately allocate the bulk of it to spend with peers.
My wife tries to console me: this is what successful parenting produces. We'd be worried if our kids wanted to spend all their time at home with us. She's got a point.
Still, I can't help but mourn the loss of that stage of life where the highlight of their weekend was escaping for a cup of coffee with me to our local coffee house, followed by a walk on the beach or some strategy games for that week's bragging rights as Intergalactic Champion.
Today, my kids work much harder than I do. Someday, I hope they can have the luxury of slowing down as I have if it suits them.
Fortunately, I've enjoyed their childhood up until now, and the regret matrix makes me grateful I've made the choices I did as early on as I did.
Financial literacy, aggressive saving and early investing put our family in a position of strength where I could walk away from a situation if it did not mesh with my family's needs and priorities.
It also signaled my employer that, with a few accommodations, I would not need to do so - and miraculously, the job adjusted to allow me to stay. Some of life's best dishes aren't on the menu.