Today is my birthday. I was up early for a bike ride. Dramatic clouds caught the colors of the dawn, and were in turn reflected on the surface of the Pacific.
Shortly after walking through the door and receiving warm wishes from my wife, she informed me that an acquaintance we saw at social events (whose kids played sports alongside ours) had been taken off life support and died this morning.
This birthday arrives bringing an uneasy mixture of immense gratitude paired with the sense that the bullets are flying, and if you haven't yet been hit it's only a matter of time.
Friends have lost parents with an almost regular cadence over the past year - gradual decline in most cases. Youngish friends have had sudden diagnoses - autoimmune disorders, cancer. Some friends our age are caring for barely out of the house children with new cancer diagnoses.
I attended two memorial services last month, one for a friend from work with a long and unsurprising downward trajectory, another for a philanthropic member of the larger community. There is a pleasure in the remembering, and a joy in seeing the others who come to remember.
Along with a friend, I am involved in a community initiative to raise funds for an endowment. It aligns with the proverbial story of the elderly man planting a fig tree so future generations might enjoy the shade and fruit. It fulfills the desire to leave a legacy, even if no one will remember my small contribution to building the financial engine.
My mom is reeling from a flood from the recent rains that saturated California. While the damage was confined to one room, it will require a teardown and rebuild that means the room, and the memories contained in its longstanding configuration, will never be the same.
This fills her with mourning. All the contents of the room, which has displayed extensive collections she and my dad acquired during their life together, will be packed in boxes, in all likelihood (or so she has convinced herself) to remain there until my siblings and I allot them after her death.
Birthdays are opportunities to accept the good fortune that we are on the outside of the grave in this moment, while understanding the Stoic principle of memento mori - the knowledge that we will die can motivate us to use what life we have in a meaningful way.