A friend and I took a walk on a perfect spring afternoon, the first of the season where I wore shorts outside. During the course of our conversation, my friend inquired about my definitions for what it means to be an introvert or an extrovert.
My friend built his definition on whether being around large groups is experienced as depleting or replenishing.
When he's in a room with many people, the stimuli drain his battery. Even if there are people he considers close friends, if it's at a large gathering, it's likely the conversation will be limited to small talk rather than substance; that feels exhausting to him.
He distinguishes between the ability to make small talk in a professional setting, a skill in which he's developed proficiency (one might even call it his unfair advantage in a career where social aptitude is not the norm) and the experience of making small talk in his personal life.
The former is required and tolerated in fixed quantities as a reality of doing work he enjoys; the latter is optional and generally to be avoided.
When he's alone, or mostly left to his own devices (reading, walking, learning chess) his batteries recharge. He doesn't particularly miss people when they aren't around.
In contrast, I build my definition around what type of interactions are required rather than how those interactions are experienced.
I look at necessary inputs, he looks at outcomes. To stretch the analogy, I look at the diet, he does the stool studies. (Apologies, having a teenage son means my juvenile sense of humor gets the better of me more often than not these days.)
I define introversion as needing to be alone or away from people for a threshold period of time to feel good. By this definition, I am an introvert. Exercise (cycling, bodyboarding, most of the local hiking I do), my writing practice (blogging), reading fiction, creating art, learning new skills - these are primarily solitary endeavors.
Extroversion is needing to be around people for a threshold period of time each day to feel fulfilled. Meals with family, coffee with friends, strategy game nights with the fellas, visits to mom, driving lessons with my son and walks on the beach with my daughter - these interactions energize me. I must be part extrovert as well.
It was an engrossing discussion of the nuances between a bifurcated either/or categorization, as compared to being somewhere along a continuum with room enough for a single individual to accommodate both opposing characteristics.
I feel tremendous gratitude to have a friend with the intellectual curiosity to take my assumptions to task and to explore basic human experience together.