Bulldozer

crispydocUncategorized

A wrecking ball wreaks havoc and leaves a trail of destruction in its wake. A bulldozer, in contrast, plows straight ahead flattening all obstacles that lie in its path. In my enthusiasms, I have been accused of being a bulldozer.

When I get excited about something, I talk it over with friends and family. I ask my most valued advisors to pierce my illusions. There's an entire stage of perseveration that is not unlike close friends I grew up with who had Aspberger's - a total immersion in a highly specific interest.

People I love might object to the costs that pursuing my interest imposes on them. They might plead that by adding a new and larger time suck to my calendar, it will take time away from our relationship or lead us astray from our shared goals.

The bulldozer in me hears them out without actually listening, allows them to speak without factoring in the concerns they are voicing. Eventually, there is an erosion in the "opposition's" willingness to engage.

This selective deafness to hearing valid counterarguments enables me to continue down a path, guns blazing, until I realize I am shooting blanks.

That's when it becomes evident to me, at long last, that the plan I'd envisioned at the individual level won't work at the family level. After working through the mixed emotions of the sunk cost fallacy, I cut my losses and sell the bad stock.

I'd rather live the regret of not having pursued one opportunity than enjoy it at the expense of those I care about.

With so many different avenues open to me for the future, cutting off a single path does not significantly constrain how I reinvent myself. It's hard to feel restricted in my options when the world is my oyster.